Dear Liz

I'm so mad at you. You were the one person who always had everything under control. You loved the beauty of life and knew how to live it more than anyone. People and relationships meant the world to you. So how, Liz? How could you abandon them with such little regard as to the havoc you would be leaving behind?? Do you know how many hearts will never quite heal back the same way? Did you consider the hours your friends, sisters and closest companions would spend, dehydrating the system? And did you think of permanent salty stains down permanently swollen faces? What about permanent pain in exhausted souls? How could you purposely taint theaters, Wes Anderson films, homes that are much too small, maroon felt hats and carabiners? Did you knowingly accept the crushing, falling, no escape, just want to curl up and cry until every last bit of moisture leaves the body to shrivel and be free feeling that even the tiniest manifestation of distant shadows of you would surface? Did you go over all the words that were said to even the most insignificant of admirers? Did you realize those words would echo in their mind for the rest of their lives? Did you take into account the questions and scenarios that would eat at those you love each and every day, poisoning their dreams and replacing their high chins with doubt and uncertainty? Did you think of us?? Did you think of what a dark place the world would be without you? Did you pause for one second and consider suffering just a day more to spend the day with your sister? Your husband? Your long lost friend? To let them make it better?? Cause we would have done anything.

Not you Liz.
You were all that's good in the world. You were my hero.
It kills me that you were battling a much darker demon under all the reassuring words. That you were comforting me about religion, boys and school when


Not Liz.

Not Liz.



Please, God, let me wake up.